reprobayt | The XXX Men (from the mind of rudydebrazier via <user site="liv

(loosely based on both the comic and X-Men:Evolution and by no means a comprehensive listing)

Archangel - will give a flying fuck, so to speak. Just don't distract him too much or you may have to be removed from the cables of the Brooklyn Bridge with a blowtorch and a crowbar, and how are going to explain that one to the police?

Longshot - Wow! We had simultaneous quadruple orgasms AGAIN! What are the odds of THAT?

Beast - is two different people, one of whom is shy and intellectual and very self-conscious but will buy you flowers and quote Shakespeare to you and one of whom thinks those flowers look excellent on the floor, next to your clothes. How great is that?

Iceman - might fall into the Unfair Disadvantage category, but enough people get off on ice cubes that I think the right partner might be enough to make that an advantage, as is not the case with other people discussed here (see Quicksilver).

Rogue - Unfair Disadvantage. So unfair, in fact, that she remains a total unknown. We have no idea what she is like in bed, and are not likely to ever know. Even assuming that she kicks it with Wolverine, and that he survives, he is not the kiss and tell type, so we are in the dark forever. But she is hot. That we do know.

Shadowcat - walks through walls, just like the ones in your bedroom. hah. YOU WISH.

Nightcrawler - Blue skin. Yellow eyes. Pointy ears. Three fingers on each hand. Tail. Is he kinky? Well, I don't know. He's a priest, so one would assume he is kinky. After looking at him, you certainly are.

Jean Grey - Unfair Advantage. Telepathy. She knows what you want, even when you don't want to admit it to yourself. However, if she were that good, wouldn't Cyclops be waaay more relaxed? Perhaps she refuses to use her powers in bed. Yep, that would piss anybody off.

Cyclops - pure kinetic energy. And he is hot, in an all-star kind of way. Jean should just marry him and have a hundred redheaded mutant babies already. Yeah.

Wolverine - is a tragedy. Not because of dead hot Asian princesses. The tragedy is that he is not into S&M. He is the perfect sub, he can take any amount of damage and heal without scar. However, the feeling that I get from canon Wolverine is that he does not actually enjoy pain. He may seem to welcome pain at times, because he risks it without fear since he knows it will not kill him, but he doesn't actually like it. At all. Dude, his life sucks.

Storm - do you like Pina Coladas?

Professor X - is quite arguably the best lover of all the X-Men. in fact, he may be the best lover in the UNIVERSE. Why? Well, first there's the telepathy. He knows what you want, even before you know, even when aren't aware of it. Then there's the paralysis, which forces him to have LOTS of oral sex. Name one way in which telepathic head is a bad thing. Go on, try.